WHY I AM AVOIDING WINTER WONDERLAND THIS YEAR
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For a few weeks already there has been a trend on Facebook that everyone seems to follow. Or perhaps I shall say, a disease which has imperceptibly infected my entire Facebook newsfeed, the grand opening of Winter Wonderland.
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Coming from the rough Northern parts of the globe, thus being able to fend off any contagious viruses, I escaped the tight grip of this ‘lots-of-mulled-wine-and-fun-rides’ bacteria that’s strolling around the gloomy streets of London. Perhaps, one might argue, with maturity I’ve adapted some Grinch-like qualities, but I certainly don’t see what the fuss is all about, unlike my boyfriend, who, as merrily as a child with pleading eyes, asked if we could go. Never.
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Source: SMOKE Magazine
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Christmas is supposed to be a jovial time with your family over inevitable arguments on politics snugged in cosy, but sadly unravelling, Primark jumpers with reindeer on. With Michael Bublé in the background, you’re meant to sip your way through luscious and warming lattes from Starbucks and pretend it tastes like authentic Italian coffee. Winter Wonderland does not provide any of that.
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Micheal Bublé, whose annual return is as swift as his disappearance, has been ruthlessly hushed by trashy techno/electric beats. Jolly and classic Christmas carols have become blood-curdling cries permeating every acre of Hyde Park as monstrous machines effortlessly throw people up and down as if they were wooden marionettes.
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Can someone please remind me what exactly is fun about being up there, where the harsh wind strikes your already cold cheeks, scared to death contemplating whether you’re going to fall out or not?
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During my first, and the last, ride I had to close my eyes and take deep breaths so that I didn’t throw up. And for this (not so) wonderful experience you have to pay eight pounds or more! Since when did Santa become associated with slowly stepping in gloomy and murky haunted houses with someone or something patiently waiting behind every corner? Did I miss something?
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Source: SMOKE Magazine
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For those not willing to throw up or experience a possible heart attack (not a very merry Christmas), Winter Wonderland has kept something a bit more Christmasy. Still terrifying, nonetheless.
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“A lovely reunion with one of my favourite drinks!” made me think that my experience in this disaster zone would be improved, so I swiftly find my way towards a stall, which promises to warm you up with mulled wine. This doubtlessly qualifies for my top worst purchases list. The mild cinnamon and cloves aftertaste is bushed off by a strong alcohol taste. My stomach certainly does not enjoy it.
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Source: SMOKE Magazine
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Apart from this, you are also welcomed to indulge in overpriced (as If Christmas wasn’t expensive enough already) gingerbread, layered with nauseously sweet icing or struggle your way through thick and oily bratwursts that tastes nothing like the original.
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This year I shall stay indoors and watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas over and over again. Even he has more Christmas spirit that Winter Wonderland.
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This article also appeared on SMOKE Magazine.
